I went 13 days without jerking off

There are definitely changes that my body and especially my mind went through during this time. People say your voice becomes deeper, which it did for me initially, but then it went back to normal. But what stayed was an sense of increased alertness, intensity of the emotions, passion, and probably also intelligence. I felt like I was better able to argue with people, was more articulate, etc.

This aspect felt nice, but what made abstinence from jerking off unbearable was the mood swings. I basically suffered a mental breakdown after learning my 14 year old cousin got a girlfriend before me, and I think the fact that had not jerked off in a long time made my reaction worse than it would have been.

But the sharpened emotions I experienced did make me more action-oriented though. I did after all buy tickets to Colombia. Would I have done this if I had not abstained from jerking off? I'm not sure. When you jerk off, you just kind of want to do things that feel comfortable, not take risks or try bizarre ideas or novel things.

Anyway, I ended my streak last night with a prostitute. It was not a good experience because she looked old (like 45) so I had trouble maintaining an erection. Then I went home and jerked off to porn of young women. This made me realize the importance of getting not just a wife, but a young wife. It's really important. Because in addition to not reproducing, you just won't be happy if you marry some 45 year old. And every year as I get older, young women become further out of my grasp. This realization horrified me and put me into a state of panic.

Hopefully I am not too old yet for a young Colombian. Otherwise the only option I have is to try to gain status as a religious guru or sect leader.

Hey omega, I off topic but I sent you a private message about programming job market scene days ago. Did you see it?

I just responded.

I'm a lot more Zen about things and resigned to life sucking and it just being a shitty time to be alive than some of you people. I don't know whether that is a good thing or not.

It's bad but the important question is if it is if it is the best option available. If you're about to be executed on death row in the USA, it is better just to suck it up and accept the execution, than to try to struggle and fight for your life. Not sure if this is the case for us.

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Allen wrote

I'm a lot more Zen about things and resigned to life sucking and it just being a shitty time to be alive than some of you people. I don't know whether that is a good thing or not.

Yes I tend to have this attitude now. With my dad and step mom aging, I have to accept things are gonna be shitty and bite the bullet to take care of them.

I will think of nothing else other than making money with a job related to my graduate field