Why I fear children

I fear children because I remember what it is like to be a child. Children are heavily influenced by the public school system and the TV shows they watch, which teach them to be highly judgmental and gossipy. If there is anything the slightest bit unusual about you, then simply being around children can be damaging to your reputation, because they will instantly pick up on your social flaws, and gossip about them, to their friends and to their parents. All eccentric people should avoid any contact whatsoever with children.